Between Us
by Kage NoTenshi
Summary: "Sometimes I wonder if my family really knew what they were doing." [Yoh chapter up]
1. Anna: He Doesn't Love Me

This is my first Shaman King fic (actually second, but I threw the first one out three paragraphs into the story.)  I wanted to originally to a Yoh/Anna ('cause I love that pairing!), but I couldn't make it work and still preserve their characters.  So now it's an Anna soliloquy on Yoh that turned out mostly angst with a little fluff and tongue-in-cheek.  

Disclaimer: Yep, Shaman King's mine.  And Chocolove can tell hilarious jokes.  And the Iron Maiden is a normal teenage ditz.  Uh-huh…give me a break.

**Between Us**

            He doesn't love me.

            I suppose I'll have to learn to accept that; why did I expect it anyway?  I don't think I love him, either.

            It doesn't makes sense for us to "fall in love," whatever that means.  We're in junior high school, and life demands our all between the shaman fights and academic work.  We don't have time for that foolishness; it isn't at all practical.

            Well, I don't have time for it.  Yoh might, but that's irrelevant.  Just because his favorite pastimes are lying around and listening to music doesn't mean that he'd want to bother with me.  Just because we've been betrothed for practically as long as I can remember doesn't mean he loves me.  And it doesn't mean that I love him.  Okay?

            I don't really spend much time with him.  He has his friends, both human and ghost.  He has his CDs, his homework, and his chores (not to mention all the training.)  Just because we live together doesn't mean there's love.

            Actually, there isn't much of anything at all.  He tolerates me well enough, I think, and maybe he's a little afraid of me, but that's it.  As for me, I think he's all right and in need of more training, but no more.  To each other, we are simply there.  No matter what the rumors around school claim about us, it doesn't matter.  We're indifferent.

            Love, after all, is senseless.  I've seen a few examples, and the way the couples turn to absolute mush makes me retch.  Being in love seems to mean that all skills of observation and deduction go flying out the window without a parachute: something a good shaman simply cannot afford.  Yoh and I are, undeniably, _excellent_ shamans.  (Don't tell him I said so.  As long as he believes he's less than adequate, I can force more training on him.)

            And Yoh?  What's his opinion?  Well, I don't believe he's even thought about our upcoming marriage yet.  The whole thing's a lot like his term papers: he knows it's coming, knows he ought to face it, but he procrastinates.  There's always more time; it hasn't come yet; I really don't want to think about it; not now.  I hear that from him again and again, though he never says it out loud.  He's too young and concerned with being himself to worry about sharing the rest of his life with me.  I'm little more than a term paper to him.

            Actually, I'm a bit disappointed in him.  He's the closest thing I have to a family right now, and I was hoping that maybe once he hit adolescence he'd actually care about what I thought and felt.  Don't get me wrong; I'm categorically not the sappy type, but I think every human's a little romantic deep down inside.  Most of all, really, I want acceptance.  

            I suppose I just want to mean something to him, especially if we're going to be husband and wife someday.  Maybe that's why I push him so hard to train.  I know that too much work will wear him out, but being somewhat of a personal trainer and coach makes me feel as if I might be significant in his life.  Perhaps I'm not a fully favorable factor, but at least I have some effect.  

            Yet he doesn't even talk to me.  The most I hear from his is the occasional meek, "Yes, Anna."  If anything, I do all the talking as I repeatedly order him to train.  After all, the last thing I want is for him to get killed in a shaman fight.  Sometimes I almost wish he would talk back…  Of course, I slapped him good and hard last time he did.  I was sorry after, but it would have defeated the purpose of his training to apologize.   

            He's not really what I wanted in a spouse, either.  I don't want a subordinate or a slave.  I wanted a partner and equal, someone I could be proud to call my husband.  Yoh's just too passive.  It's enough to drive me insane, but he won't toughen up as much as I want him to.  Well, sure, he's become an excellent shaman fighter, but he fights too much with his heart.  A good fighter needs to be ruthless, especially with the title of Shaman King on the line.  It's strange: his attitude makes me think that maybe he's not cut out for something like this; yet, he's so talented that I can't help but believe that he's destined for greatness.  

            But when he finds his place someday, will I be left behind, blotted out by his shadow?  What if he decides to remain living quietly, cheerfully helping anyone he meets without aiming for great power?  I, after all, am the one who wants him to gain influence, not him; the final decision for his future will lie with him, not me.

            But maybe all I want is to matter in some way, whether as the wife of the Shaman King or simply as the motivation behind Asakura Yoh.  Or maybe I just want to matter to him, even if I'm sure he doesn't love me.  

            And then, would you believe it, he burst into my room yesterday, grinning like the world would never end, headphones around his neck with the music blasting loud enough for me to hear halfway across the room; and he dumped a haphazard bouquet of hand-picked (from the neighbors' window boxes) flowers, just for me.

~~~

I haven't decided whether or not to do a corresponding Yoh POV.  Feedback would be greatly appreciated.  (In other words, review!) ^_^


	2. Yoh: Shallow Depth, Thoughts on a Girl

^_^  Thanks for the reviews!  Anna was in character?  I have no idea.  I have close to no access to this series.  Okay, only one person didn't say they wanted a Yoh POV, so I started it and glared at the comp screen and banged the keyboard…and Yoh refused to tell me anything.  He's more stubborn than Anna and possibly even harder to fathom.  But I tried.  Thus, this chapter.  

            I once told Manta that one of the advantages of keeping a ghost around 24-7 is that Amidamaru comes to the bathroom at night with me when I'm scared.  "But _he's _the ghost!" shouted Manta in response, failing to find any logic in my point.

            I laughed it off; Manta always overreacts.  Besides, Amidamaru's escort was a one-time thing.  I don't usually get scared of the dark; it had been during a really big storm. The house had creaked so much I thought the room was about to fall in.  

            Now, though, I don't like getting up at night alone.  When I joked about it, I never thought I'd actually honestly feel that way.  What's changed since then?  One word: Anna.  

            Yeah, I admit it.  I, Asakura Yoh, who has faced down powerful shamans and furious spirits alike, am deathly afraid of a certain girl my age.  Okay, maybe not deathly afraid, but I'm certainly cowed.  That girl slaps harder than that affixed ghost of the billboard painter I met when I first came to Tokyo.  I bet she practices on rocks…  Hold on, you didn't hear me just say that, okay?  Please?  If Anna finds out, she'll kill me, or worse, make me to train more.  

            Sometimes she makes me feel as if I should be calling her "Lady Anna" the way Amidamaru calls me "Lord Yoh."  I bet if I ever become the Shaman King, she'll be Shaman Empress.  If — no, I suppose it's _when _— we get married and have kids (mini-Annas!  I think I'm going to cry; one is more than enough), I'll be the head of the family, and she'll be the neck.  The neck, after all, is what turns the head.  Ah, you get the picture.  

            And ever since Anna showed up in Tokyo and moved in, I tend to take some sort of supernatural attendant with me if I get up at night.  I know they're not much in terms of backup against her itako powers, but just having another presence is comforting.  I hate being alone when Anna materializes out of the shadows, her apathetic yet icy gaze fixed on me.  It makes me feel like she just caught me doing something I wasn't supposed to, even if all I wanted was a drink of water, or when all I want is to listen to my music and laugh because I'm alive.  

            That sounds kinda shallow if that's all I really want.  If you think about it, though, it's not.  I've learned to savor the simple pleasures of life; I don't kill myself striving for some impossible, complex happiness.  Nope, I'm perfectly satisfied with good music and a cool breeze.  

            I told that to Anna yesterday and she made me take another few hours away from my precious records to train.  

            Sometimes I wish she'd leave and let me live how I want, but to be honest, the way I want to be includes having her around.  For me, one of the worst things that could possibly happen is a change in routine.  I like things to stay the same and predictable so I don't have to worry.  Life is not meant to be lived in perpetual worry.  Therefore, in a way, Anna is both the best and the worst thing that ever happened to me.  

            It was hardest at first.  She was something of a bombshell for my existence, dropping in one day and dictating the course of my life.  Training was the biggest change for me.  Yet, it's nice having her around because everything becomes part of a routine.  I know what my chores are, what she expects; and if I do anything else, she inflicts pain.  It's really quite simple.  

            She says she wants just to be the wife of the Shaman King.  That sounds kinda shallow.  I'm pretty sure there's more.  

            Honestly, if she's so worried about marrying the Shaman King, she should just find some really strong shaman instead of spending so much time training me.  It would be way easier, right?  I guess she's just hard to understand.  I think all girls are like that, what with their roller-coaster mood swings and double meanings in their words and hidden feelings.  It's enough to drive a guy over the edge.

            The really strange thing is that she reminds me of an affixed ghost.  (Please don't tell her I said that!)  She's got that hard outer shell that can seem almost vengeful at times.  But affixed ghosts remain in the world because of a strong emotion, usually grief or confusion or hurt.  What does that say about Anna?  

            Heh, Manta'd probably be going insane now, aggravated by my amateur theorizing and philosophizing.  He gets so worked up over things.  But he'd probably be right.  Anna's not a ghost; my job isn't to figure out her grievances and unresolved disappointments and solve them for her.  (Girls are _so_ much harder to deal with than unhappy spirits.)  

            It can be rather frustrating, and sometimes I wonder if my family knew what they were doing when they arranged our betrothal, especially when she's angry with me.  

            And then there are times like yesterday when I brought her a bunch of flowers I had gathered.  She didn't scoff at their lack of arrangement, didn't act disgusted because I had forgotten to brush off the ants.  Instead, her eyes went soft, and then she looked at me as she gathered the blossoms in her hands.  I think she smiled.

            Maybe my family _did_ know what they were doing.

~~~

            Hiroyuki Takei once said that Asakura Yoh is the hardest character in the series to draw because it's very difficult to grasp his outlook on life.  I found that Yoh's like that in writing too.  So apologies if he's not perfectly in character.  ^_^  Let me know in a review, K?


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